Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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