So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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