oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
