super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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