some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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