Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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