dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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