I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
