My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
