You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
