Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
