hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
