Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
