too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
