Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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