Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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