Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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