he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Please don't give away my fajitas
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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