I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
