I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
