How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
