two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
