i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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