Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
