btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
