every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
