Im at strip club and am horny
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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