i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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