stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
