got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
