It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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