the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Randomize
