he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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