My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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