That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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