when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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