Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
