the day after is always just damage control
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
