I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
