what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
