Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
