Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Fuck appropriateness.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
