Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
