wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I love having hate sex.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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