First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
