tell your sister to shave her snatch
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
