He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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