Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
