My hair reeks of homosexuality.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ladies don't puke and tell
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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