when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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