Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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